Dad's Rules



Predicting the loss of my children and my inevitably limited long-distance relationship with them, I decided to start writing down my philosophies on life and the rules by which I hope to teach my children to live by. I don't necessarily follow my own rules, but I don't expect my children to do everything I say anyway. That's what kids are for. But I'm going to tell them, somehow, someway, how to do things "right", that's what fathers are for.


I would also like to point out, that I'm a father. Yes you may have already gotten the feeling that this was a paternal conversation, don't know why, but that's what it is. Therefore, please recognize that this admission alone assumes that all the rules and laws within are biased along that fact. Ignorance is not an option, nor is it an excuse. Quoting these rules as my attempt to define reality for everyone or as my attempt to replace the existing laws of our Great Canadian Nation under our Glorious Queen Elizabeth II, is nothing more than a recipe for ridicule. That means (for you idiots) you will get laughed at if you tell people that I'm rewriting morality for all people. Rules and Laws are "GUIDELINES", both mine and those more official ones as well. Though mine don't carry punishments or a code of discipline, if you can read into them, you'll see that not following them carries its own consequences.


I'll organize them by topic and try to link to them as much as possible from the blog entries, hopefully to lend example or reason to why the rules were formed. I'll update them as often as possible, because I believe that Law should be fluid and tolerant.


Rules on Life, on Women (For my sons), on Men (For my daughter), on Money, Public Behaviour and the Universal Dad's Laws.


Update 12:40 PM 08/11/2016
I've been watching the PBS Crash Course: Philosophy show on YouTube and find it extremely educational. At this point, I'm adding some of my interpretations to the laws as written below.


I Start here with the 4 rules that they already know.


Dad's Rules of Public Behaviour


#1 Be Quiet.


#2 Do what you are told to do.
            Do NOT do what you were NOT told to do.
            Or more simply,
            Do ONLY what you are told to do.


#3 Always Share.


#4 Dad Rocks!


Money


Dad's Rules on Money #1
Don't take any advice from me about money other than, make sure you educate yourself with real facts and not the get-rich-quick or pyramid schemes this world is happy to offer you. Save as much as you can, no matter how cool toys are these days you will need that cash for later. Trust me. I don't know what I'm doing with my own money half the time and I wouldn't want to lead you in the wrong direction.


Dad's Rules on Money #2
Don't take any advice from your mother about money, while I know and admit that I know nothing, she doesn't know that she doesn't know and will never admit to it.


Women (For my sons)


Dad's Rules on Women #1
As men, everything we say and do will be wrong. It's not worth the aggravation and stress to try and defend ourselves, just remember the magic words... "You're right" and "I'm sorry." Trust me.


I might add, this doesn't mean that women are always right. They are hardly ever actually right about anything. We as men are just expected to tow the line.


Dad's Rules on Women #2
Rule #1 doesn't really matter anyway as long as we love and respect our women. Our job isn't to educate or comment on their lives. Our job is to make them feel safe and loved.

Dad's Rules on Women #3
If your woman won't respect rule #2, get rid of her and find a woman who will. It's not her job to prove you wrong. Her job is to make you feel good and loved about making her feel safe. When we do our job and they do theirs, It's like Positive and Negative Voltage, with proper grounding, the Current... the Love will flow.

Dad's Rules on Women #4
If your woman won't respect rule #1, be suspicious of her motives and refer to rule #3.

Dad's Rules on Women #5
In reality, women will never make any sense and trying to apply these rules or any logic to them is pretty much useless. At least hold on to these rules as long as you can or until you can figure some of your own to replace them. Pass those rules on to your boys and give them the same advice.


MEN (For my daughter)


Dad's Rules on Men #1 - You need to open your eyes
If he doesn't pay attention to you, it's because he wants attention from you. His bordom, nonchalance and indifference to your presence is usually because he thinks you'll shoot him down for being aggressive or obsessive. Truth is, you will. This is not a man rule so much as a "how men will react to women" rule. Because you're a girl and he's a boy and he's got no clue how to understand you, he will put on airs, or show off when you're around. If he's hopeless for you, you will only ever see him tripping, falling, dropping things, running into things and blurting out ridiculous, nonsensical statements. Just watch a romantic comedy, the girl never sees all the work and preparation a guy puts into so many disasters.


What is also important is that you don't get obsessed with some guy because he's hot and ignores you. He may be one of those guys who will use his own silence to get attention from chicks. Same rule, different application. Where the boy in earnest will care about you, the silent stud probably won't and may just use you.


Dad's Rules on Men #2 - He must be smart
You will want someone intelligent, but it's important that you find the right intelligence. He should be creative and witty and well-read with a strong interest in some field of study that is cool to listen to for hours on end. If he treats you like you're stupid for not knowing as much as he does, you will regret meeting him. If he doesn't read anything beyond street signs and sports scores, you will regret being with him.


Dad's Rules on Men #3 - He should be respectful
... and not just to you. When he's out and about, he should hold open doors, say please and thank you, and refer to people as ma'am and sir. It may seem corny or out-dated but those simple little things speak a lot about his character.


Dad's Rules on Men #4 - He should be playful
Smiling to people on the street or in the mall helps spread cheer and good will. Waving or making faces at kids passing by shows that he doesn't take himself too seriously. A man who is too serious can become boring and eventually intolerable. This can also be a sign of his happiness factor. If he's always angry, cynical or depressed, chances are he has deeper issues than just being in a bad mood. These deeper issues can later become more than a challenge, they may become dangerous if not dealt with properly and early on.


Dad's Rules on Men #5 - He should be challenging, not dominating
The guy who pulls your hair in school, or always tries to race when he sees you on a bike; you may not even like him at first, or you may think he's a bully. What is important is to watch him when he wins whether it's against you or others. How he treats 'losers' is his real personality. He may just be winning because he's good at stuff. If he appears to enjoy the contest and doesn't tease you cruelly when he wins, he's a winner. If he wins just so he can shove it in your face that you're not as good as he is, then he's a bully and you should stay away from him.


Dad's Rules on Men #6 - Beware of compliments
Too many compliments, or ridiculous comparisons with goddesses and super models is a sign that he's either not sure of himself or just trying to get something from you. However, Rule #1 may be in play, so apply this rule carefully.


Dad's Rules on Men #7 - Daddy loves you
Just remember that I love you and you should never have any daddy issues. I am always available to talk to and resolve them if they come up. I hope that you will never need to fill any voids with bad guys who show you attention because of how much you hate me.


 


Life


Dad's Rules on Life #1


You can do whatever you want to so long as:


1) you don't hurt yourself,
2) you don't hurt anyone else, and
3) you don't get caught.


and if you can't avoid one of the above then add:


4) you're willing to suffer the consequences.


Dad's Rules on Life #2


Remember everything your mother tells you, unless you forget what she said, or it refers to Money Rule #2. Otherwise, somewhere in that mess you might learn something. I don't know, stranger things have happened.


Dad's Rules on Life #3


Read all the books your father (that would be me) has read. I learned almost everything I needed from sci-fi, fantasy and text books. Always remember that in the real world there is "what might be" and "what we think is the case". Remember that your eyes are a gateway to your soul... while your ears are pretty much shorted together.


Dad's Rules on Life #4


People may say: "There's no such thing as <insert totally possible yet likely improbable concept here>". Don't take it seriously. It's likely that these people need to feel respected for their opinions or can't stand being called liars or really just want to troll you and push your buttons. The truth is, they can't prove it doesn't exist anymore than you can prove it does. Like Santa Clause; good idea, bad commercials. Is he real? Sure, why not? Choose for yourself what you want to believe.


Dad's Rules on Life #5


In relation to Life Rule #4 & Rule #1 (and I'm not saying it but take a look at Life rule #2); and more specifically on the topic of religion. Believe whatever you want to believe. Don't say you are something if you are not. Don't believe something just because someone told you that you had to. Religion is NOT hereditary. We do not inherit our beliefs from our parents... I am a good example of that. There are as many religions in this world as there are people. Find your own, make it yours. Don't become a slave to someone else's morality.


Dad's Rules on Life #6


Don't trust anyone else that says "Trust Me". I'm the only one who gets to say that!


Dad's Rules on Life #7 (late addition)


As a reference to rules on women #2 but for everybody: Never take anyone's word as gospel. Don't even take Gospel as gospel. The simplest and most mind-blowing Truth about life is this:


NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
WE ARE ALL JUST TRYING TO GET BY WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A COMPLETE MORON OR GETTING OURSELVES KILLED.


That's right, your parents too. We scrape our knees, poke our own eyes, shit, eat and pop our zits just like you do. We've been doing it longer than you have and we know a thing or two about life that you haven't figured out yet. We will always know a little more than you do. We will have forgotten more than you will ever learn until you find yourself writing down your own suggestions of morality for your kids. However, we still put our pants on one leg at a time. We still don't know everything, we are always learning. You kids are a huge source of our learning. Never assume that because someone gives you the impression that they are smart, that they actually know anything.


Universal


Universal Dad's Law #1


No matter what you say or do...
or how much trouble you get into...
or whatever I might say or forget to say or do...
I will always Love you with every fiber of my being. Remember there are always things we don't know or didn't see and more than 2 sides to every story and there are mitigating circumstances. But my Love is eternal and it's yours.


Universal Dad's Law #2


No matter what you said...
No matter what you did...
No matter how much trouble you got (are getting) into...
No matter what you think I might say or do...
You can always ask me for anything. I might say no, but if you don't ask, you'll never know. AND, I might just surprise you and say yes. But either way I will always give you an explanation/discussion/lesson/reason.


Universal Dad's Law #3


No matter what your mother says...
No matter what your mother does...
I'm sure she loves you too...
but don't forget to call me if you need anything!! :P


Universal Dad's Law #4


It is important to understand that not all consequences are going to be results of your own actions. Other people are going to say and do things or not say and do things that will cause consequences to occur in your life. Don't hate them for it or think too highly of them for it either. Everyone has feelings and motives. Their motives and their perceptions are going to be different than yours, maybe very different, maybe not. It is because we live so closely with others that we are all going to feel the effects of each other’s decisions. The lesson here is very important:


For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.


Not everything happens immediately, things can take a long time to finally come around.


Universal Dad's Law #5 - Waste is bad in all forms.


If you don't recycle, the landfill sites will overflow and you will end up living in garbage.
If you throw money away on name brands or latest fashions, you will end up having no money for food and shelter.
If you spend your childhood on video games and silly entertainments, you will have no cool stories of your adventures to tell your friends, or happy memories when you're sad, or wisdom when you are about to do something stupid.


You will not get a job based on the size or sophistication of your Minecraft castle or your WOW character's level/items.


You will not get the fit and healthy body you want sitting on your ass.


If you worry about having a healthy body, or meeting the right guy/girl, or getting good marks/good job... you've wasted the time you could have spent just doing what is needed to get those things.


Universal Dad's Law #6 - Doing nothing, right or wrong, is still a valid decision
If you are not sure if you should do something, you can choose to do it or you can choose to not do it. Both are acceptable actions. Either may be the wrong answer, or not completely a good thing to do, but valid. You don't have to do something because it is expected of you or because others are doing it.


Dad's Catch-All Law


Wisdom comes from learning something, not from hearing about it. I have a million and one pearls of wisdom for you but they will do you no good until you either see them in action or have them happen to you. They sound cheesy, most of them, because they won't make sense until you understand them. Here are some of the loose ones that I haven't made into Dad's Rules yet:


  • The right thing to do is almost never easy.
  • The easy way is almost never the right one.
  • Do or do not. There is no try.
  • Worry is waste.
  • Waste is bad in all forms.
  • Courage is not being unafraid. Courage is being afraid and going ahead anyway.
     
    I hope these help you kids. There's so much more I wish I could do for you.
     
    Your Father;
    Friar Greg Denyes
     
     

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