Women are emotional, period. Men are logical, period. We both have some skill in the others domain, such is life in a taoist view. However, even with special training, no man will ever have the talent and natural ability to match a woman when it comes to reading emotions. The same goes for women who will never truly understand men so long as they focus on a man's emotions and not on his logical processes.
I haven't read any other articles from that blogger, but it appears that it's a female oriented feed. I won't hold that against them. This article was enough for me. I will agree with it. I particularly like how she referenced Chris Rock's rant on arguing with women:
"Men, don’t argue–you cannot win. You cannot beat a woman in an argument–it’s impossible. You will not win. Because men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing, because we have a need to make sense. Women aren’t going to let a little thing like sense screw-up their argument."
And this is absolutely true. Women don't need to make sense, they don't WANT to make sense, they just feel and they project that emotion out at you and when the wrong Emotional Radar sounds return, they freak and escalate. Having recognized, yet not dealt with, this phenomenon for 24 years with my mother and sisters and then trying to deal with it for another 7 with my wife I can only say, that women need to be as understanding as they are expecting us unsuspecting men to be. My own wife was (is) a mess and a dangerous person to be around. I'm not going to walk up and hold her and say, "it's ok dear, I understand" even if I do see the emotional stressers or signals, I might get attacked or have the cops called on me, either way I'm screwed AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!! How can a woman expect any man to see teeth, claws and wild aggression and think they can even have a chance at making it better? ALL MEN know the golden rule if not from experience, if it bit you once, it will bite you again. It's a stupid thing to stick your hand in a blender, but only a COMPLETE IDIOT sticks his hand in again. As Mel Gibson said in What Women Want: "Women are crazy! Who would want to do that again?"
So the blogger says: "As a man, you have two options. (1) Adapt and train yourself in emotional intelligence so that you can communicate better on her level, thereby learning to read her emotional state, recognize when it’s changing and intensifying and nip the argument in the bud before it even starts, or (2) teach your woman to understand that you are not as good an an emotion reader as she is and to communicate better on your level by being more forthright with you about what’s bothering her in a calm fashion. If she insists on escalating into argument anyway, just playfully deflect, dismissively ignore, or just leave.Whatever you do, don’t waste time arguing logically. It just doesn’t work."
So I do both. I feel that I'm at the center line, I'm on this side, I have my logical argument all point formed, rounded and ready to go. I also have all the strength and compassion I can muster if she needs it. I have my eyes open and ready for any emotional tells or signs... but I can't cross the line, that's not my domain. I cover my side and I'm ready to discuss. She's over there brewing up a storm of emotions and none of it looks logical to me. So if she claims she needs help, that I have to save her from her self, her past, her feelings that I need to be her HERO then I need to know that! I need the map, the directions, and most importantly, I need that initiating directive. I need the warning order that says "be ready, it's coming, further orders pending" and they have to be in plain logical English that a man can understand. Only then can a man say "yes she warned me and now I can be ready".
This is what it means to be on a team. Having strange and unconditional expectations of your teammates without first explaining and discussing those expectations with them, is not good teamwork. It's disruptive, destructive and will get you turned out on your ass faster than $5 hooker gets dropped at the next corner.
Deborah Mackin says in her book The Team-Building Tool Kit 2nd Ed: "Rather than make aggressive "you" and "should" statements, team members apply what we call the RISC and PAUSE model to give and receive the feedback."
So I do both. I feel that I'm at the center line, I'm on this side, I have my logical argument all point formed, rounded and ready to go. I also have all the strength and compassion I can muster if she needs it. I have my eyes open and ready for any emotional tells or signs... but I can't cross the line, that's not my domain. I cover my side and I'm ready to discuss. She's over there brewing up a storm of emotions and none of it looks logical to me. So if she claims she needs help, that I have to save her from her self, her past, her feelings that I need to be her HERO then I need to know that! I need the map, the directions, and most importantly, I need that initiating directive. I need the warning order that says "be ready, it's coming, further orders pending" and they have to be in plain logical English that a man can understand. Only then can a man say "yes she warned me and now I can be ready".
This is what it means to be on a team. Having strange and unconditional expectations of your teammates without first explaining and discussing those expectations with them, is not good teamwork. It's disruptive, destructive and will get you turned out on your ass faster than $5 hooker gets dropped at the next corner.
Deborah Mackin says in her book The Team-Building Tool Kit 2nd Ed: "Rather than make aggressive "you" and "should" statements, team members apply what we call the RISC and PAUSE model to give and receive the feedback."
The RISC acronym works like such:
1) Report the facts: "Yesterday you said my idea was stupid"
2) State the Impact and why: "It made me feel really upset because it hurt my feelings that you would be so rude"
3) Specify what you prefer: "I prefer that you disagree and refrain from calling me or my idea's stupid"
4) State the Consequences: "If you continue to be rude to me, I'll just have to not include you in any further discussions."
4) State the Consequences: "If you continue to be rude to me, I'll just have to not include you in any further discussions."
The PAUSE acronym follows with this:
1) Paraphrase: "Let me understand this correctly; You think I called you stupid?"
2) Ask: "Did you actually hear me use the word stupid or was it implied?"
3) USE time: "I appreciate you bringing this to me. I'll think about it while I'm working and I'll try to respond soon afterwards."
This is logical advice from a WOMAN to be used in any team scenario whether in sports, business or a romantic relationship. If women are so incapable of logic, then why is this woman flogging such logical advice? I believe that women are not anymore incapable of logic as they appear to be anchored to their emotions.
For that, I'll quote Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets when asked how he writes women so well: "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability!"
I think women just want to be difficult. If I'm wrong, then disagree. Prove me wrong but for the gods sake, don't blame ME for your feelings, they're YOUR feelings. I can't read your mind. Everyone is welcome their own opinions just as they are free to feel whatever they want.
For that, I'll quote Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets when asked how he writes women so well: "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability!"
I think women just want to be difficult. If I'm wrong, then disagree. Prove me wrong but for the gods sake, don't blame ME for your feelings, they're YOUR feelings. I can't read your mind. Everyone is welcome their own opinions just as they are free to feel whatever they want.
--
Friar Greg
Other Quotes:
What Women Want:
Darcy McGuire: What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door?
Nick Marshall: Okay, gotta think like a broad, gotta think like a broad... okay. I'm a broad... I see... lipstick. On a Tahitian beauty under a waterfall, wearing nothing by a thong, cold water cascading down her ba... I'm a lesbian!
Nick Marshall: [reads the 'thoughts' of his two assistants]
Margo: [silence]
Eve: [silence]
As Good as it Gets:
Simon Bishop: You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.
Carol Connelly: Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.
Melvin Udall: Maybe we could live *without* the wisecracks.
Carol Connelly: Maybe we could.
Melvin Udall: I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true.
Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.
Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly: ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
Other Quotes:
What Women Want:
Darcy McGuire: What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door?
Nick Marshall: Okay, gotta think like a broad, gotta think like a broad... okay. I'm a broad... I see... lipstick. On a Tahitian beauty under a waterfall, wearing nothing by a thong, cold water cascading down her ba... I'm a lesbian!
Nick Marshall: [reads the 'thoughts' of his two assistants]
Margo: [silence]
Eve: [silence]
As Good as it Gets:
Simon Bishop: You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.
Carol Connelly: Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.
Melvin Udall: Maybe we could live *without* the wisecracks.
Carol Connelly: Maybe we could.
Melvin Udall: I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true.
Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.
Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly: ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
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