The Ketchup is Very Angry

Have you ever walked into a diner or restaurant and noticed, it's not that busy, but for some reason, everyone is ignoring you? I've had this happen. i wasted an entire half hour lunch break waiting to be aknowledged by the servers. However, I wasn't as angry as these guys.

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Another thank you to Aunt Catherine

Friar Greg

Electric Fence

Seems a sheep farmer in Alton Illinois was puzzled about the disappearance of some sheep on his farm. After a few weeks the farmer decided to put up an electric fence.

About a week later, this is what he found!

Now, I know we've all heard of people being eaten by snakes & I bet most of us have said, 'If a snake tried to eat me, I'd blah, blah, blah & get away.' Well, this is a Python & they're extremely aggressive & have a few teeth that they use to hold their prey while they wrap themselves around them & then constrict.

Could you get away if this one bit you & held on with it's 'few teeth?' (Note: The wires are 10 inches apart.)

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Friar Greg
Belleville Ontario
friar.gregarious@gmail.com

Ain't no woman like mine!

Chantilly Lace
with a pretty face and a pony tail
a hang'n down
A wiggle in her walk and
a giggle in her talk, man
Makes the world go round round round
There ain't nothing in the world like a big eye'd girl
to make me act so funny
make me spend my money
make me feel real loose
like a long neck goose
like a girl
oh honey that's a what I like!!!

Bible and a haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son.

"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."

And his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

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Friar Greg

Class lll Hitch Install

What's that...? You don't have a big pickup to tow your 6,000 lb. gooseneck trailer....fear not!!! A little careful, well thought out engineering can solve your problem...

Introducing the Class lll Hitch Install... (patent pending..)

Wouldn't you love to see how the trip went? Good chance he ended up doing some unintended off roading somewhere. Check the 'hills' in the background.

 How would you like to meet this rig on a two-lane road... coming down the mountain in your direction?

She's hitched up and ready to roll!! Amazing how the extra weight smoothes out the ride. Needed to air up the rear tires a bit ('bout 160 psi).

Added some super heavy-duty chain for extra support on the tailgate, (note the 'Heavy-Duty 'S' hooks to attach the chain) Also paid-up for some BIG Number 5/16 sheet metal screws to attach the Reese hitch frame to the tailgate (see them there? one on each side...) Likely two more through the carpet into the floor pan inside...

Yep, probably overkill, but didn't want the possibility of having an accident.

Most of the time was spent on the front porch whittling down that MASSIVE solid pine 4x4 to fit precisely down into the hole in the ball mount receiver.

Note also - The 14"x14" piece of 3/8' plywood on the underside of the tailgate to distribute the load more evenly and beef up that tailgate support.

'A MAN CAN'T BE TOO SAFE'...!!

They are out there, folks... and they vote...

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Friar Greg
Belleville Ontario
friar.gregarious@gmail.com

The Tomatoe Garden

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: 

Dear Vincent, 

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. 

Love, 

Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop, 

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. 

Love, 

Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop, 

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. 

Love you, 

Vinnie

Grasshoppers

I thought you might enjoy this. 

THE CLASSIC  VERSION: 

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and  dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well  fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or  shelter, so he dies out in the cold. 

THE CANADIAN  VERSION: 

The ant works hard in the  withering heat all summer long, building  his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances  and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well  fed. 

So far, so good, eh? 

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and  starving. 

The CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering  grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to  suffer so while others have plenty. 

The NDP, the CAW and the  Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in  front of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural  festival special from Nunavut with  breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall  Overcome." 

Jack Layton grants in an interview with Mike Duffy that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to  make him pay his "fair share". 

In response to polls, the  Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the  beginning of the summer. 

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and  he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers  as helpers. Without enough money to pay both  the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes,  his home is confiscated by the government. The ant moves to the US and  starts a successful agribiz company. 

The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper  finishing up the last of the ant's food, though spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the  ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to  maintain it. Inadequate government funding  is blamed, Bob Rae is appointed to head  a commission of enquiry that will cost  $10,000,000. 

The grasshopper is soon dead of a  drug overdose, the Toronto Star blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity. 

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada 's multicultural diversity,  who promptly set up a marijuana grow op  and terrorize the community. 

THE END

Greg's Official Widgets

these are the official widgets that you can embed on your own webpages, and always have me around... you can still leave comments on my page, as the less and less I read from others, the more I feel they're not paying attention!!! :P

You can find them here on my blog, in the left-hand pane, click the "Get Widget" link at the bottom of each to be redirected to the site where you can copy the object code to embed into your own website.

I'm just trying to become for available to my friends... wherever you are. I'm right here.

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Friar Greg