Blind Pilots

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the

cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the

rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to

be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles

down the aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.  However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. 

Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain: 

"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, 

and we're gonna get killed!"

--

Friar Greg

90 MPH

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. 

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. 

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph. 

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" 

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here." 

She asks, "What's that?" 

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!" 

Gerber Suprise

Gerber would like parents everywhere to get their kids to try the newest flavours of baby food.  Please? 

When Pigs Fly

Some one once told a Klan member that one day, a black man would be president

His response?  "When pigs fly!"

Behold!

100 days into Obama's presidency:

"Swine Flu!"

Where does Aunt Catherine get all these wonderful jokes?

--

Friar Greg

Baaa-Studs & Extreme Sheep

Now this is some damn funny video.  Nature and Bitmap graphics collide in this stunning display of ... I don't know what really to call it.  Just watch.

I received the video from http://jcnymanfarms.com/2009/03/30/videoshare-fantastic-sheep-dog-theatre/

---

Friar Greg

CDC Alert

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.  

 

 This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!  This virus will wipe out your private life entirely.  If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.  

 

 Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).  Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.  

 

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends.  If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. 

--

Thanks again to Aunt Catherine

Friar Greg

 

5 Year Anniversary

5 years ago today, Roberta read this at the wedding reception.  I wrote it back in '95 when I was 17.

My Children

My son,

my daughter;

if ever you may be.

Let me introduce myself: I am your father

and you exist now simply as these thoughts 

in my head.  But you are more than that.

You will be more than that.

How much more or less we may never know.

I often wonder that if ever you may be, 

who will you be? Will you be like me?

I could only hope that if not me who you be,

be at least one who can see the pain in others

and the deceit of the world and still

have hope in love, in poetry and in beauty

holding out over the constant grind of 

society's reality.

I wish I knew what you would think,

that you would be true to yourselves and your 

neighbors;

that would not fall to the blindness of

egotism, arrogance and the self-possession of

materialsim.

I hope that you will have the 

strength to say no and the wisdom to say yes.

I dream of loving you for who you are

and be given the chance to teach you

in all that you will need to know.

I am proud now of what you can be then.

Because my son, my daughter,

if ever you may be,

you will always be

my Children.

Ji'e'Toh: Honour & Obligation (WOT)

Ji'e'toh is from  the Old Tongue,  and roughly translates to "honor and obligation".  Ji'e'toh is a fundamental part of the  day-to-day  life of the Aiel.  If  one  loses honor  to another, one will serve their duty, or toh, to that person in order to lessen the honor of the victor and earn their honor, or ji, back.  The Aiel are touchy about their honor, as their lives revolve around Ji'e'toh.

To the Aiel, shame is a pain far worse  than any physical wound.  You decide when you have toh,  and it is insulting to be told  that you have toh.  The person who holds Toh chooses how to meet their toh, for they know their worth.  Sometimes, an  apology  will  meet  toh.  Sometimes  it is  a beating or flogging.  But once  toh is  met, it  is as  though it  never existed.

In  battle,  the  way to  get the most ji is to  touch an armed  enemy without  otherwise  harming  them. This  is very difficult and  done infrequently.  The least honor comes from killing, because  any  fool can  kill.  In between  is taking captive  and making gai'shain.  A warrior  who is touched may demand to be taken  gai'shain  to reduce the ji of the other. Maidens and  Stone Dogs are known for being especially touchy about these things.  Wise Ones, Blacksmiths, children,  women with  child or  mothers with  young  children  cannot be made gai'shain. Those made gai'shain have toh to their captor, and must  serve them  for a year and  one day, touching no weapon and  doing no violence.  A gai'shain would not try to escape, but if they did,  their sept would return them, perhaps along with a  first-brother or sister to  discharge  the sept's toh or  perhaps  more than  one if  they felt  the loss  of ji is great.  No Aiel would  be made  gai'shain to one who does not understand ji'e'toh.

There are no excuses in Ji'e'toh. Even when an Aiel knows he cannot do something,  he will still  find toh in not being able to do it. They despise the misuse of Ji'e'toh, and would teach it  even to a  Treekiller,  so they  might  know of it. However,  Ji'e'toh is often  considered  humorous,  and  many jokes are made of it.

Taken from Wikia http://wot.wikia.com/wiki/Ji'e'toh

The Four Agreements

I picked up a copy of The Four Agreements today from the library, I read the whole book in one day... tomorrow, I'm cashing my cheque and buying a couple copies.  Everyone should read this.

The Four Agreements

Don Miguel Ruiz

Amber-Allen Publishing

1997

ISBN 978-1-878424-31-0

Be Impeccable With Your Word

“Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

Don't Take Anything Personally

“Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”

Don't Make Assumptions

“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”

Always Do Your Best

“Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self abuse, and regret.”

Girl Talk

"Bill thought he was President too!"

Victoria Day 2-4

What does Queen Victoria and the Canadian 24 case of beer have in common?  Apparently nothing.  But for decades, some Canadians have made it their goal to drink as much beer as possible on her birthday.

Agreed, the Canadian holiday in rememberance of the Industrial Queen is the only long weekend in May, and this Spring month being a prime opener to summer is generally the first month of the year to be warm and sunny.  It can be understood that most party goers just want to throw off the shackles of indoor gatherings and enjoy the clean, outside air while they inbibe heavily in the devil's drink.  It can also be assumed that many of these outdoor parties are particularly wild to show their denial of Vicky's dross view of appropriate behavior. 

Either way, we are really not behaving any better than we did then and that sounds good to me.  

Remember to have a safe 2-4, don't drink and drive, you'll enjoy the hang-over that much longer.

--

Friar Greg

Nowhere Else

1) Only in China

Only in Hawaii

Only in India

Only in Texas

Only In Thailand

And last, but not least

Only In America

-- 

Friar Greg

5 Cases where it's okay to swear

-- 

Friar Greg

Black is IN

The most powerful politician in the world is Black.

The head of the Republican National Committee is Black.

The best known media mogul on earth is Black.

The greatest golfer in the world is Black.

The top female tennis players in the world are Black.

The highest grossing actor worldwide is Black.

The fastest racing driver in the world is Black.

The brightest Astrophysicist under the sun is Black.

The Super-bowl winning Head Coach is Black.

The most successful brain surgeon in the world is Black.

The fastest human on the planet is Black.

Michael Jackson must be kicking himself in the ass.

---

Friar Greg

Knowing when to give up your license

When it is time to turn in one's license!!!!!!!!

An old man and woman were on the way to Greenville, NC and stopped at McDonalds in Farmville just off of 264 East bypass one Saturday and did not know that they hit this deer!!

Someone in McDonalds had to tell them.  The old man said he noticed that the car was starting to run a little hot the last few miles. 

It's Mothers Day!!!

So what did you get for YOUR mother?

We're supposed to go out to dinner somewhere, I don't know where yet... and I'm making the reservations!  At least I'm glad my mother doesn't resemble this woman... much. :)

You know I love you Mom! And a happy birthday, though it was 2 days ago... hmm.

Anyway, a happy Mothers Day to ALL the mom's in my family!

--

Friar Greg

Single Black Female

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

 

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...

... Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta  Humane Society.

Picnics for Kids!

My latest project is the Children's Picnic Table. It stands about 24" is 37" wide and 48" long.  My kids are 6, 4 & 2 and they all love the table.  It can seat about 6 kids or 8 if they squeeze in.

The going price at this time is $75

I've made the first (prototype) table for display... check it out, and let me know if you want one.

--

Friar Greg

friar.gregarious@gmail.com

Thank the gods for scheduled posts!!

Just a quick message for all of those out there wondering where I've disappeared to... I've been busy, but now that I have a better knowledge of this blogger thing, I'll soon set up regular posts to appear even when I'm not around.  hehe, I said around... "I'm fat!" ehhehe

l8r

--

Friar Greg