All I Want For Christmas

Dear Santa,

I realize that you're an idea and not a real person, and that I'm 33 years old, not 5, and that by writing you I'm pretty much endorsing the consumerist paradigm of Christmas that I abhor so much. However I feel that I'm left with no alternative.

I don't come from a particularly wealthy family, and that among my siblings, I probably have the most stable career. Money is an issue but won't solve my Christmas woes. I'm not asking for money. What's important is what I need the money for, but I figure I should skip the money part and go strait to what I need.

All I want for Christmas is to have my children with me. In actuality, I'm supposed to have them already. The courts have agreed and given me a court order; the police agreed and the Children's Aid agreed but like everyone else, could only say "It's not our job". It appears that although I have the Right and Authority to see my children, I am at the mercy of a Munchausen psychopath who cares nothing for my feelings or the needs of our children.

I'm home now, after failing to retrieve the kids. Watching my nefews I can't help but be reminded of my loss. I budgeted most of my income for the retrieval and now can't afford even the wrappings of my usual eco-friendly, intelligence-engaging gifts for the rest of the family.

Nick, I need help. Please help me and my children have a proper Christmas.

---
Friar Greg