Monday, 19 July 2010

New Dignity

I've had a bad year, oh well, life goes on. The main issue has been self esteem (my original article is still in draft) but today I want to talk about the other side of the coin, dignity. 

According to Dictionary.com
dig·ni·ty [dig-ni-tee] –noun, plural -ties.
  1. bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.
  2. nobility or elevation of character; worthiness: dignity of sentiments.
  3. elevated rank, office, station, etc.
  4. relative standing; rank.
  5. a sign or token of respect: an impertinent question unworthy of the dignity of an answer.
  6. Archaic .
    • person of high rank or title.
    • such persons collectively.
Dignity is often used to describe a persons personal power or their behaviour in moments of stress and shame. Those without dignity are "...failing to treat themselves with proper self-respect.". I feel that this is completely understandable. We humans put ourselves through great amounts of stress on top of what the world around us expects of us.  However, dignity is not behaviour, nor is it any kind of wealth or position. It is value. A person with dignity recognizes their own value, not their worth to others, but their value to themselves. "I will not do that horrible thing because I value myself enough to know that I don't deserve that kind of treatment".

I've been reading into all types of methods for men to fix their relationships and the theories are as numerous and irregular as the stock market. For instance; suppose I put the two polar opposite theories into the same room together, Roissy vs. Justice Marshall; the Alpha Jerk vs. the Beta Wimp. I say it this way because, well Roissy is a jerk. He plays head games, lies, devalues and basically spits on women. Following his advice exclusively will make a man cold and uncaring. This is not to say that he is wrong, I just feel that his methods and lessons are too extreme. Justice is much the opposite. He fits the beta style of feelings and conversation. Though he lists some excellent processes and points of fact, his style and methods are too weak, too soft, too feminine. I feel like he's trying to turn men into women or emotional slaves.

These aren't the only two sources, but to mention them all would dilute this article. So to boil it down, Roissy is correct. A man must take control of his life and embrace some of the Alpha qualities he describes And, Yes so is Justice correct in listing the sexual polarities between men and women, the man's strength reflects the women's strength. Finally, they are both correct when they agree that a man is only worth what he believes he is worth, and that is dignity.

I think dignity is the modern, PC version of what was once known as Honour. The best description of honour I feel was made by Liam Neeson's character in the 1995 movie Rob Roy when the Robert MacGregor sat his sons down to teach them the meaning of being a man.
...
son: Father, will McGregors ever be kings again? 
Robert: All men with honour are kings, but not all kings have honour. 
son: What is honour? 
Robert: Honour is what no man can give you and none can take away. Honour is a man's gift to himself. 
son: Do women have it? 
Robert: Women are the heart of honour, and we cherish and protect it in them. You must never mistreat a woman or malign a man, nor stand by and see another do so. 
son: How do you know if you have it? 
Robert: Never worry on the getting of it. It grows in you and speaks to you. All you need do is listen. 
...
This was beautiful the first time I heard it, and it has slept inside me ever since. It's taken until now, as I reflect on my own self worth to recall it and to determine what it means to me. All men with honour are kings so it goes to say that all men with any self worth are confident and worthy of respect. Only a man can give himself value, it cannot be given to him or taken from others. When we take value from other people, we know deep down that it doesn't belong to us and we become insecure, afraid and often that fear becomes our downfall. 

I have forgotten my dignity, my honour. It was deep inside, overlooked as fear and insecurity drowned out its litany of encouragement. but no more. I have found that pocket of strength and I am moving on with my life. I'm having fun again, enjoying those parts of life that I have forgotten while hiding away in my cave for these past years.

Value is what a person needs to see in themselves before they will ever make anything of their lives, and not for others, but for themselves. Dignity/Honour is that value, Self Esteem is recognizing it.
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